I Remember That Look

Read: Ecclesiastes 1:9; James 1:19; Luke 2:41–52

Focus: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19, NIV

Key truth: Sometimes my son needs instruction, sometimes correction, and sometimes simply to know that I am listening.

Read

There is a particular look my son gives me when he is frustrated. I recognize it immediately.

Not because I have studied parenting books or learned some great psychological insight. I recognize it because I used to give my dad that same look.

Sometimes I even remember exactly what I was thinking when I did.

You do not understand.

Why can you not just trust me?

I am not a little kid anymore.

Now I stand across from my son and wonder whether those are the very thoughts going through his mind.

Sometimes I tell him that I remember being fifteen. I remember how frustrating it was to have someone constantly telling me what to do.

I am not sure that helps him very much. But I have realized it helps me.

Explore

Ecclesiastes 1:9 reminds us that there is nothing new under the sun. Human nature has a way of repeating itself.

Every generation believes its circumstances are different. In many ways, they are. But the struggle between a child’s growing independence and a parent’s responsibility to guide has been around for generations.

Mary and Joseph experienced a moment of confusion when twelve-year-old Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem. When they found him in the temple, they did not fully understand his response. Jesus’ situation was unique because of who he is, but Luke also tells us that he returned to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.

Growing into one’s calling and honoring one’s parents need not be opposites. Growing up does not have to mean growing apart.

Notice

James 1:19 tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I find that instruction especially challenging when I am convinced I am right.

As a father, I often am convinced. I have lived longer. I have made mistakes. I have learned lessons the hard way. But being right about something does not automatically mean I am communicating it well.

Sometimes my son needs instruction. Sometimes he needs correction. Sometimes he needs to know that I am listening. The challenge is learning which moment I am standing in.

Reflect

When I tell my son that I remember being fifteen, maybe I am not trying to convince him of anything. Maybe I am reminding myself.

I need to remember what it felt like to be fifteen before I respond as a father. Not so I can excuse everything, but so I can correct with compassion instead of frustration.

I do not want my son to remember me only as the man who was always telling him what to do. I want him to remember that I listened, too.

Rest

Father, help me remember the young person I once was. Give me the wisdom to recognize when my children need correction and when they need understanding. Teach me to listen with patience and speak with love. Amen.

Question for reflection: When was the last time you listened to someone younger without immediately preparing your response?